Ex Ms.

I’ve never been a big fan of Christmas songs. The second Thanksgiving is over Christmas songs seem to find their way into every retail nook and cranny, and proceed to hang around for what feels like an eternity until Christmas day finally arrives. And let’s face it, there’s only so many to choose from. It’s as if the world’s worst mix tape is stuck on repeat and just happens to be omnipresent in every possible listening device. On a good day you may catch me humming to the tune of NFG’s “Ex Miss” which, at least, is somewhat catchy and speaks the truth. But for the most part I spend the month leading up to Christmas plugged into my iPod.

One of my least favorite of the nauseating, yet traditional X-Mas song options has always been “The Twelve Days of Christmas”. It happens to contain the type of repetitive melody that people with epilepsy are told to avoid for fear that it will bring on a seizure. I’m not epileptic, but there have been times when “The Twelve Days …” has sent me fleeing from stores, drained of any patience I may have had to wait in the concert-ticket-length line for the register.

My “other” on the “other” hand claims to be a fan of Jingle Bell Rock. He won’t admit to this and denies it every time I’ve brought it up in the past, but knowing his crush on Lindsey Lohan from her Mean Girls days, I’m quite sure he associates Jingle Bell Rock to Lindsey’s rendition in the movie. Needless to say, Lindsey was clad in a sexy little Santa outfit while slapping her inner thighs during a high-school-passable dominatrix/stripperesque choreographed dance routine.

Getting back to my main point, is there a reason why some ingenious person has not created and marketed a “Revenge on the World’s Bad Christmas Music” mix? The perfect way for others to get through the holidays and still retain a bit of holiday sentiment. Any suggestions?